Post Shepherding Stress Syndrome (PSSS)

After having a headache for most of the day, I was talking to my husband about it when he said, “I shouldn’t tell you what I just read about Kentucky.” Well, no one can get away with starting a sentence with, “I shouldn’t tell you…” So after some prodding, he said, “Kentucky is supposed to have the highest rate of allergies in the entire country.”

Now this may not seem like a big deal to you, but I have suffered from allergies for as long as I remember.  And, every time we move to a new place, it’s been “fun” discovering how best to deal with them there.  In Kenya, my neighbor used to say, “I know when you’re awake, cause I can hear you sneezing!” In Egypt, sweeping my front porch always had me reaching for a bandana.  And now, Kentucky?!?!? Is it all their bluegrass?

As I thought about life with allergies, I got to wondering, quite randomly, what life would be like for a shepherd with allergies.  I know. It was an allergy-induced headache random thought, but still…aren’t you curious?  And what if a shepherd were not only allergic to his work environment, but also to his sheep?

On the campus of our school in Egypt, we had a small building that housed 10-15 sheep.  One of the students was assigned to shepherd them, making sure that they didn’t wander into the wheat fields or eat the growing zucchini plants.  I always had to giggle as I watched those assigned to this job go about their duties.  More often than not, they spent the time on their cellphones, playing games or listening to music.  They didn’t seem to have a care in the world for their position as leader of these sheep, and occasionally, the sheep got the best of them, and they’d have to chase them out of a field or someone’s yard.

For the past nine years, I’ve felt like a shepherd.  I’ve worked with over thirty volunteers, helping them prepare to teach while living overseas and transitioning to life in a new place and a new culture.  At times, I’ve been a caring shepherd, doing my best to help them not only adjust, but be as successful as they could be without ever having taught before.  And at other times, I’ve felt like a shepherd with allergies, dealing with my own environmentally-induced stressors, unable to provide for my “sheep”, or distracted by a busy workload and only ever chasing after them when there was a problem. 

Most of the volunteers survived, (praise the Lord), and some even flourished, discovering they really were teachers at heart or falling in love with the culture and missions.  But then there were others that, sadly, I was not able to help.  It seemed like every year, we “lost” one or two—returning home before the end of their term or worse being sent home.  A new friend recently asked me to tell her more about our life in Egypt.  As I talked about this very responsibility, it was more than evident as the tension and frustration flooded my body that I was suffering from PSSS:  Post Shepherding Stress Syndrome. 

As I consider what I could have done differently, one thing that has aided in the healing process is this quote from Brenner.  In his book, Surrender to Love, he says, “The love we receive from others is always limited by their brokenness and finitude. And the love we give to others is always contaminated by our self-preoccupation.” We are all broken, and much of the hurt we cause others and ourselves is due to this brokenness. Isaiah says it like this, “All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him” (Isaiah 53:6). 

Thankfully, the Lord is a better shepherd than I am.  There aren’t days when He’s too busy or distracted and He’s never just performing His duties as He cares for me.  He doesn’t suffer from allergies or PSSS.  His only motivation is love.  And He doesn’t give up on me either.  Instead, He says, “I am the good shepherd.  The good shepherd gives his life for the sheep” (John 10:11).

Who knows when the Lord will see fit to ask me to “shepherd” His workers again. But in the meantime, I pray, that I will allow myself to be shepherded by Him, remembering that I too am broken and in need of direction, so that I can love all the better when the time comes.   

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