That Time a Verse Full of Questions Provided Clarity in the Fog of Transition

This week my mind has been in a fog.  On Monday, I was happily chatting with coworkers at a mini-potluck we were having during lunch when my boss came on over the loudspeaker.  I didn’t hear what he said, but my to my surprise, my tablemate said, “Oh, that’s you he’s calling!” I figured he needed me to cover for another teacher last minute, so I quickly collected the remainder of my lunch—I wasn’t going to leave that piece of peanut butter pie behind—and headed to the office.  As I walked in, my boss, looking a little stressed, asked me, “Is that your car parked out on the curb?” It took me a moment to remember and then, I stammered, “Y-e-s!” I’d forgotten to move it after I’d parked it there over two hours ago to make it easier to unload some donations I’d brought for the family resource center. Now it was blocking a bus full of children from leaving school.  Yikes! Exit me looking very embarrassed and apologetic.

But the one thing I have been thinking about all week, and gaining some clarity on is Philippians 2:1.  “Does your life in Christ give you strength? Does his love comfort you? Do we share together in the Spirit? Do you have mercy and kindness?” (ICB)

Not wanting to fall into the same trap of discouragement and despair from last week, I’ve thrown myself back into a more regimented schedule of exercise and worship, the two things that seem to keep me sane.  And yet, because of the fog in my brain, I’ve been feeling pretty weak.  Fortunately, that’s been exactly the posture I’ve needed for the Lord to impress my heart. 

As I run, I often listen to podcasts.  This week, Alisa Keaton, from RevelationWellness, reminded me that Paul could boast even in his weakness because he knew it brought glory to God (2 Corinthians 12:9).  He knew the source of his strength.  More often than not, I feel like I need to be the source of my strength. I need to have it all together. I need to do more to keep myself from falling apart.  And as hard as I’ve tried this week, nothing has helped, except daily seeking out the source of my strength in His word. 

Reflecting on this in my journal yesterday, I wrote: “When I struggle because I am not doing what I know I should do, I can comfort myself in knowing that that awareness itself means I am connected to God. And instead of simply asking Him to give me the power to change, to be different, I need to spend more time in His presence. I need to recharge with Him, letting His love flow into me, so that it can flow out of me.”

Yesterday, after running errands after school and coming home to cook supper, it was 6:30 pm and I was still in the kitchen.  The girls hadn’t finished their supper, the dishes were piling up in the sink, and I was feeling less than loving.  I could feel the negativity and frustration rising in me as I thought of cleaning up and making yet another meal, tomorrow’s lunches.  So, I gave myself a time out. I turned on the kettle, made myself a cup of veggie coffee, and sat on my front porch. I knew I needed God so I sat with Him. That time didn’t make my reality go away, but when I came back into the house, I was able to face that reality with a different spirit—His Spirit. And even though my youngest deserved to eat all of her food, I was able to show her mercy and kindness, and thankfully she won’t be having sweet potato for breakfast.

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All this to say, I’m thankful for weeks like last week and this week that bring me down but closer to God and help me stay connected to Him.  He is the Source of my strength and my Comforter.   

Linking up with Velvet Ashes Questions