That Time The Lord Lined Up All My Ducks and Gave Me the Perfect Ammunition

I must have not been listening to God very well this week, because He had to use three completely different sources coming together as one for me to finally go, “Oh, I get it!”

One of the first things I do in the morning, as I’m just waking up, is roll over in bed, grab my phone and read the Velvet Ashes blog post for the day.  I always look forward to Fridays because the post on this day wraps up the week’s theme, stretches my thinking about it, and lingers with me throughout the weekend.  This week’s theme is on Personality, and I was especially looking forward to learning more about the nine Enneagram types.  Kimberly Todd did a great job of giving an overview of each type, and how they are connected to others, and my appetite was wet.  I immediately began to speculate what number I was and even clicked on a link to help me find out, but because it directed me to a site where I needed to pay money, I gave up and moved on to my next morning activity.

For my personal devotions, I’ve been using the Love GodGreatly devotional series on 1 & 2 Timothy.  Usually, I read a portion of the Scripture, write down a few verses, and meditate on my observations, how I could apply the verses to my life, and pray.  This week, I’ve been reading through 1 Timothy 6. Wrapping up the chapter this morning, I read, “Timothy, God has trusted you with many things.  Keep those things safe. Stay away from people who say foolish things that are not from God. Stay away from those who argue against the truth. They use something they call 'knowledge' but it is really not knowledge.” (1 Timothy 6:20, ICB).  I wondered how come the Lord didn’t exhort Timothy to try and convert these people, but to stay away from them.  I didn’t get past my observations, because I really had no idea how to apply this verse to my life.

So, then, I switched gears and continued reading through the book “The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call of Self-Discovery,” for my spiritual formations class.  I haven’t been able to put this book down since I started reading it, and all week I’ve been trying to figure out how I can connect what I’m learning about the false self with the topic of personality for Velvet Ashes.  I thought I’d explore how much of my own personality as defined by Myers Briggs might actually be a false self that I put on for other people, and not really who I am at the core.  And then, the two came together in a completely different way.  In the chapter on Knowing Yourself as You Really Are, the author, David Brenner, specifically talks about Enneagram as “an ancient aid to deep knowing of our sin.”  He outlines the major temptations identified with each Enneagram number, what basic human needs they are associated with, and gives a Biblical example for each type. 

Thinking this all couldn’t be coincidental, I went and found a free Enneagram test and immediately took it.  Like Brenner, I related to many of the numbers, seeing myself in them, especially numbers 2 & 3, Helper and Achiever, respectably.   But instead, I was surprised by my results. It turns out I’m a number six: the Loyalist.  

Here is what Brenner says about Loyalists: “Sixes need security and are tempted by fear, self-doubt and cowardice. Timothy is a good example of a Six.”

Timothy? As in the Timothy Paul was speaking to?

And here is what Kimberly Todd wrote about sixes: “You are faithful, and prove God is Faithful. Fear happens when you think of all the ways the things that you value can fall apart.  Courage is your grace and your way forward.”

Oh, I get it!

I’d just spent the past day agonizing again about work.  Before even leaving Egypt, I’d started preparing the way for finding work as a teacher here in Kentucky. I applied for my teaching license, and once I hit the ground, I personally dropped my resume and cover letter off at various schools.  Just this week, I completed the last of the requirements for becoming a substitute, and yesterday I subbed for the first time.  And, it was awful! All the while, I’ve been telling myself that I’m only helping God with the process, not really running ahead, but doing my part. 

And yet, at each turn, there has been fear. I’ve made so many contingency plans in the last few weeks, all the while begging the Lord to send me just the right job, the one that would be best for my family in this time of adjustment.  After leaving the girls at school for almost nine hours yesterday, my time with them, something I highly value after having so much of it while overseas, seemed in jeopardy, and once more I was filled with fear and self-doubt.

Then God lined up all my ducks this morning for me. Every means of communicating with Him came together flawlessly.

But the story doesn’t end there. After I dropped the girls off at school, I stayed to talk to the teacher’s aide at their school.  Again, I really needed her as part of another contingency plan.  I was hoping her daughter could baby-sit the girls after school or early in the morning if another substitute teaching position opened up.   She thought it wouldn’t be a problem, and when she asked what subbing had been like, I told her honestly how horrible it had been.  And then she said, “Well, would you like to work at this school?” To make a long story short, her position may be opening up next semester.  Working where the girls go to school had always been my first choice, but when we learned how small the school is, with only two teachers and less than 25 students, I never dreamed it would be a possibility. And now, it seemed it might actually become a reality.

Nevertheless, the fear immediately crept in.  It’s only part-time. What will we do for insurance?  But this time, God had given me just the right ammunition.

From my devotional: I’ve trusted you with many things (your girls). Keep them safe. (They need you.) Stay away from people who say foolish things (like it isn't a full-time job or work at a public school will pay more). 

From my spiritual formations reading: Don’t be tempted by fear.

And from Velvet Ashes: Courage is your grace from Me and your way forward. (Let Me take care of your needs).

Lord, forgive me for doubting you. Thank you for not giving up on me.  You are faithful.  Help me to not be tempted by fear, but to walk courageously through the doors that You open. Help me to listen to You better and to continue to search out Your will for my life.  And as I learn more about myself, may I learn more about You, too.  Amen.

How has the Lord communicated with you in ways that are undeniably His doing? What kind of ammunition has He given you to combat the foolish things you tell yourself or other people say to you? How has knowing yourself helped you listen to God better?

Linking up with Velvet Ashes Personality